Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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