Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
