The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
