oh god the rape fog is back!
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
