It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm really busy with my period
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