I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
