maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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