I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
