Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
