My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
