Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
