New invention idea: vibrating tampons
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
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best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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