When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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