Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
