I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Can I color on your dick again?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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