I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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