dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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