so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
