I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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