i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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