guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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