I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
