yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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