I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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