dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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