i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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