; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
