That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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