i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
