I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
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I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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