theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
