i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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