I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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