theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
All the doctor said was why
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
