I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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