Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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