Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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