I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
