Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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