Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
