New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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