260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
