You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just puked most of my soul out..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize