My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
