Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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