____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
