Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
