after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
