Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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