bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
