I wanna passion pit in your ass
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
