When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
