we made out on top of his cat.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
