I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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