I'm pants shitting drunk right now
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I didn't notice because vodka
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
