why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
His nipple licking is glorious
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