ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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