I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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