just tell him i said nine months
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Green mimosas i think yes
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
