Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
