I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
