Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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