I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
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It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You're like the curious george of whores
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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