I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
