I could have mohawked her pubes.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We are all done wearing pants today
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
