I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
