oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
