I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
