I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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