While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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